I'm really sad tonight. No matter what I did to affirm my girls, no matter how many times I focused on how good they felt and how kind they were versus what they looked like, the evil monster of low self esteem has reared it's head.
It started off with a simple conversation with Olivia about what she would wear to school. She chose a skirt, and I told her it was warm enough that she didn't have to wear tights if she didn't want to. Her response? "Oh no!!! I don't want anyone to see my hairy legs!"
I'll be the first to stand up and admit it, I don't let my 7 year old shave her legs. See, it sounds kinda ridiculous even typing it. Why in God's name would a 7 year old be worrying about the hair on her legs?!!! I talked to her for about 10 minutes trying to get her to open up about why this was something she was embarrassed by. Finally she said the words that broke my heart, "mommy, I don't like the way I look." She then proceeded to sob while I held her. I held my baby girl who is perfect, perfect, and tried to think of ways to combat this negative self image she has. Turns out bullies at school have been zeroing in on my sweet girl, and she was too ashamed to tell me.
What she doesn't understand is, I know the feelings. I know hating yourself and wondering why you can't fit in better. Why your clothes are 10 year old hand me downs that are too short in the legs. I remember the thick glasses, the bad haircuts, I remember the rejection. I remember wondering what was so wrong with me that other people got such pleasure out of tormenting me. I was book smart, but not people smart. I was dorky, geeky, nerdy, whatever you want to call it. It wasn't until I was an adult that I came into myself. I realize now that all those traits that made me a social reject were actually things that in the long run helped me to be the person I am today. A happy, successful mom of two beautiful, lovely girls. Girls who share their favorite candy with each other (and me ;)), girls who love God and work to learn more about him every day, girls who have capable bodies that are healthy and strong.
I'm not raising beauty queens here. I'm raising young girls, who will turn into young ladies, who will turn into the women of the future. I want them to be valued by their heart and their head more than their physical appearance. I'm sitting here right now, crying, because I don't know how to combat this. My torment started in middle school. I was ready for those years to be difficult, to have to work to keep my kid focused on school & not peers. I wasn't ready for this in second grade. Mean girls in second grade? What do I do? Tonight I am a lost, lost momma. Tomorrow may hold some keys. I beg anyone who's experienced this to please, contact me. Let me know what you did. Let me know what worked, what didn't. Help me bring the radiant smile back to my daughter's face.
For those of you who haven't encountered this, give your daughter an extra squeeze tonight. Remind her she's beautiful because of the inside, not the outside, and teach her to seek the beauty within each person she meets.
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