No photos, because I am so not THERE yet, but I made a major step today in overcoming my fear of people seeing the inside of my house. Usually, you tell me you're coming, and I spend 3 days cleaning, and the night before running around like a maniac, bursting into tears because I'm overwhelmed, and being rescued by Mike because he loves me. Can't believe he's put up with my quirks this long, but God love him, he has.
So when people just casually ring the doorbell my heart stops. I try to decide if I HAVE to answer or if I should just hide. If I'm not expecting someone I hide. I'm not ashamed to admit it. First of all, who rings your doorbell in the middle of the day unannounced? Unless you have some Girl Scout cookies I'm not opening the door anyway. There was that one unfortunate incident where the lawn guy rang the doorbell, and I hid, because 1) I was not expecting him and 2) I was in my pjs. Then he rode the little tractory spreader thing in the yard and he could see me in the back windows, so I threw myself to the ground and army crawled to the basement steps and hid down there for a while. My pjs are my own business yo!
Annnyyywwaayyys...I have been praying about being more open. Being a better friend, trusting people to like me warts and all. Not hiding that I am a real person, and that means my house isn't always clean and my hair's not always brushed. I dropped Olivia at a friend's for a play date today, and my friend came by to drop her home. Normally IF I hadn't frantically cleaned, I would hold the door open a few inches with my foot behind it, conduct a quick convo, and get the door closed. This time I tried something different. I invited my friend inside. I was sweating, literally, taking this big step. Guess what? She didn't scream in terror or call CPS on me. In fact, we just carried on talking and enjoyed hanging out for a bit. Maybe 10 minutes, but that was 10 minutes of quality time I would have missed out on had I not opened the door all the way.
I know it doesn't seem like much, but one baby step at a time and I will get to the finish line. And when I do I'll throw a party in my messy house!
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