Clara Days 4 through 8

This post is for all the people who saw my children Sunday morning and thought maybe we had become homeless. Or brushless. Or robbed of all hair bows....

Sunday was race day, and daddy dressed the girls. He is pretty competent in that area, and I don't always pick out clothes for him in advance, but this day I did. Two very cute coordinating but not matching outfits. Ah, the photo ops! I carefully ironed the outfits and laid them out for Mike the night before the race. 

I left early the next morning as everyone was eating breakfast, and I was surprised to find my girls in what looked like pajamas at the finish line when I finished the race. Upon closer inspection, they were wearing their "workout clothes" apparently in solidarity to mommy running (cute!) Also in solidarity, they apparently decided to forgo brushing their hair, and also affixing it with any type of barrette or hair tie. Maybe they figured their ragamuffin looks would distract from my sweaty, smelly self after the run? Well played, girls, well played. Of course Sunday was the day I ran into EVERYONE. Oh, you know the type of day. Where you have on no makeup, an old t-shirt that you kid spit up all over, and you haven't showered in 2 days? Then you run into the grocery store to buy some emergency supplies (chocolate, wine, and diapers) and you see your old college classmates, who you haven't seen in 5 years, and they are dressed zippily in business casual with a perfect figure and even more perfect hair? Not that that has ever happened to me, of course not, but I'm just saying...

So, if you haven't seen my kids in 6 months, and you're wondering if we're trying the hands off natural parenting approach, these photos will lay your mind at ease. Here is Clara Couture days 4-8. And for reference, it was 90 Monday, and it's going to be 60 tomorrow. So yeah, Clara Couture will be taking a few days off until summer decides to grace us with it's presence again.

Day 4

Here's a reuse of one of our Disney t shirts. Got this beauty on Amazon for something like $6. Paired with some Matilda Jane ruffles we bought last summer.

Day 5

Love, love, love this dress (and Clara's face). I bought a dress from Matilda Jane's Platinum site. That's like winning the lottery in and of itself, since you basically have to be on the computer when they upload or within 30 seconds to even have a chance. Got the dreaded phone call that they had oversold the dress I caught, but the silver lining was that they would let me pick ANY platinum dress I wanted to replace it. I don't know if you can tell from this photo, but the bottom tier of this dress has elephants (swoon). This one is going to have to come out of the closet a few times this summer for sure!

Day 6

This little beauty is a resale pick. We had this exact dress for Olivia when she was Clara's age, but I accidentally bleached the whole thing. It was fun finding this one again. 

Day 7

Another old Gymboree piece. Also got this at a resale. We had lots of this line for Olivia, but not this particular dress. It's a bright pink with turtles, so cute!

Day 8

Boutique end of season dress. Bought this in the fall and stored it. It's Elaine Et Lana and I love the color, the ruffles, and how stinking soft it is. Clara decided it deserved a little cowgirl stylin', she is truly her own little person!

Clara Couture Days 2 & 3, Kinda

I've been getting lots of concerned texts and phone calls..."what happened to the CC project?" "is Clara wearing any clothes?" "did Bravo pull out of the production?" All I can say is, chill people (or that's what I would say if any of the aforementioned items had actually happened. But they didn't. Nope. Not even one. "Is anybody listening, noooo....there's no reply at all"). 

Anyways, back to Clara, and her clothing, and FUN!! Did I mention in my previous post I had too many clothes? Because why, I live in Indiana. And since it's Indiana the gods of nature decided it was getting hot way to fast, and they put the brakes on the whole shebang. Which is fine, in my normal life, because high 60's and 70's pretty much sounds like the perfect weather to me, but it does nothing for modeling my kid's summer wardrobe. Just for fun, I took some photos of her in her transitional spring clothes, so you can see what's she up to. I'll call these days 2 & 3, but they might actually only count for half a day each.

First, a Matilda Jane set. The thing I love about this brand is that although the dress and pants were originally worn full length, she can still wear them after she's grown as crops and a more tunic-y style. Accessories are completely Clara's department. 

Next, and second, and last, we have a Gymboree set. Got this at a garage sale for a buck. Yep, I big puffy heart garage sales!! And this is the new facial expression daddy has taught her for photos. Joy

Clara Couture

My kids have too many clothes. There! They say the first step is admitting you have a problem, and boy do I ever. It was driven home this weekend when I switched over Clara's closets from winter to spring/summer. I kept pulling out outfits, and outfits, and...um...yes, outfits. It wouldn't be so bad except that A.,we live in Indiana, where summers are short, and B., she goes to preschool 3 days a week, which of course she has a totally different set of clothes for, so the ones in her closet were for 4 days a week. If the weather stayed nice starting today I don't think she would repeat an outfit on a nonschool day until September. Sep-freaking-tember.

I decided to bite the bullet and change over Olivia's closet too, and although she has plenty of clothes, it's a more reasonable and rational amount, so of course had to give myself a big ole pat on the back for that one ;)

After 7 years of dressing little people, I took a little time for introspection and asked myself why my kids have so many clothes. Honestly, I think I can trace this back to my own childhood, and my urge to now live vicariously through my children. My family wasn't poor, we always had plenty to eat and lived in a nice home, but for a girl like me shooting up like a weed every year, there wasn't always money for the best clothes. I got some strange, strange hand me downs from friends and family, stuff that may have been in style 10 years prior but didn't even come close in 1992 when I was in middle school. I was tall, okay, I guess I AM tall, but reached my full adult height in middle school, in a day and age where tall jeans were not even on my radar, and if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me "where's the flood?" I would have at least a dollar ;) Yes, I was an awkward, bookish, crooked teethed short pant wearing fool, and I guess that stuck with me since now I way overcompensate for my children. Of course, the rational part of my mind says that for all those awkward moments, my life turned out pretty okay, actually great, so maybe it's not the worst thing that ever happened to me. Then the irrational part of my mind says, "Oooooo....a sale."

To help me remember the fact that we do not need this many clothes, I'm going to post a photo of Clara in her outfit each day, until the day comes where we repeat. You may be surprised at the clothes she wears. Yes, she has some really nice, new, pricey items. But for every one of those, she has 3 things I purchased second hand. I love to shop garage sales and children's consignment sales, so I pick up a lot there. And I buy ahead. Most of her new items are things I bought at deep discount at the end of last summer, and held in a bin until this summer. I'll share what the items are and where they came from, if I remember. You can read all about it, or just look at the photo of my cute kid. Whatever floats your boat.

And lest you start to worry about Olivia and her "uninclusion" in the Clara Couture Project, just remember that a 7 year old has very strong opinions about her clothes, so she has less because she likes less. She'll probably sneak into a couple of photos anyways, I just can't help it.

So here we go, day 1:
It was 82 degrees here today, lovely, lovely! We broke out this Mim-Pi dress that I bought at discount last summer. Saw one of my online friend's daughters in it and coveted from a distance, but when it went on sale I snatched it up. It's the most beautiful shade of blue, and it has horses on it. Ah....sigh...love. This isn't the best photo of the dress but it's the best Clara photo, and since after all everything we do is for our kids, I picked this one to share.

Breathe...Just Breathe

Why hello there! It's me...back from blogging purgatory. Been too, well what haven't I been too to blog? To busy, tired, emotional, blah, blah, blah. But see, now every...single...time I run, I compose a blog in my head. It's like they're in there pressing and just wanting to get out. So here goes. This is going to be a tough one for me to write, maybe, and maybe tough to read. Do you really want to get inside my head? If not, here's your chance to back out. I won't judge you, and we can still be friends, really.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

So, if you have been hiding under a virtual rock, you may not know that I have started running. Which is funny in so many ways, including the ironic fact that I have always, 100%, hated running. Yes, with a passion. There's a whole post in there somewhere about how much I have always hated running, and that's for another day. Suffice it to say, since I am tall, and therefore have long legs, I have been told many times in my life I should a) play basketball b) become a runner c) reach that high thing on the shelf for a short person. No one ever told me I should become a bookish, slightly out of shape dork, but somehow that became my true path and calling. In the past 14 years, I have gotten to love physical activity. I met my husband working out for gosh sakes (cliché, I know). I even got to the point where I looked forward to exercise, but never to running. Then last fall I had foot surgery. We're not talking some sissy little surgery where you're good to go in a week. We're talking foot open, bone removed, screws in, and on my butt surgery. I laid on the couch for a week, and once I was cleared from that I wore a boot and gimped my way around for months. My foot hurt, but I was determined to follow the doctor's directions to a T, which meant babying it, since I didn't want long term problems (we've all heard the stories of the friend's cousin's sister who never walked without pain after a foot surgery, and I did not want to be that girl).

Laying on the couch losing all cardiovascular endurance, I hatched a plan. I, Ashley, hater of running, was going to run. I think I was just longing to move, and running sounded like the most movement possible. I don't know if I ever would have really started running, but it made me feel good to think I would.

Then, a few months ago, my world crashed down around me. My mom was sick. Nothing new, she was sick for years and years. The last time we all rushed home to be with her she was out of the hospital before we even arrived, and we all had a grand time with her and each other at home. This time, I thought, would be just like those other times. My mother, the fighter, needed us to pay attention to her (she always had a slightly dramatic streak) and she would fight back. We would send time together, the family, and go home once we saw her safely back to her bed. Well, this time was nothing like those times. Nothing...

I arrived to her hospital to see her sleeping. Took my exhausted father home and slept, got up early and headed back. In those times, my dad and brother were sitting vigil by her bed in shifts, so she wouldn't pull her oxygen off. She needed it to breathe, but kept removing it. They wanted to intubate her, but we didn't want that since she wouldn't be able to be "un" intubated. A catch 22. My brother left me to watch my mom, so he could get some rest. She had some lucid moments. She recognized me, and told me she was afraid she was dying. I assured her she wasn't, couldn't, she was too strong, there was too much left for her to see. Stupid. So stupid. But who ever believes their mom could die? I mean eventually, yes, but today? Never. She ate pudding. She hadn't eaten in days but they wanted to see if she could swallow. I remember how much she loved that pudding. It's the little details that stick with me.

All that sitting up and activity got her oxygen out of whack, and she started desat-ing. So guess what? On my watch, my mom was intubated and sedated. That was the last time anyone talked to her. I failed her, I failed my father, my brother, my sister who arrived that afternoon to an unresponsive mother. I knew she wasn't coming back, and I was the one in charge of keeping her safe. She'd been in the hospital a week, and it took me 4 hours to mess it all up.

Since my mom was unconscious, there wasn't much we could do. We visited with her, but spent a lot of time at home, trying to get my dad some rest. I felt pent up, guilty, sad, mad at the world, so, I went for a run. Just a little run to get out and away and clear my head. And it felt pretty good. It hurt, my lungs burned, but I felt as though I deserved that and much more. I kept running while I was in Arizona. I came home, and was met with snow and ice. A new challenge. I ran into it. The Sunday after I returned, my mom passed away.

If your mom is alive right now, please hug her. My mom and I didn't have the perfect relationship, we were too different, and too alike. We butted heads, but I always thought we had more time to work out our differences. She loved my kids. Oh how she loved her grandbabies. We could call her every day and the kids could tell her little things and she made such a big deal about them. Clara still asks to call Grandma Princess. I try to explain, but how do you explain to a 3 year old that Grandma is in heaven?

I am not good with dealing with emotions, so mostly I stuff them down until they eventually explode out, like firecrackers or those snakes in a can. Since I didn't want to cry in front of my family, because I didn't want to be held or comforted, I ran. I could run in the dark up and down my street, in the snow. The tears were mine, and no one else could see them or claim them. I listened to music, cried, and ran. Ran and cried. Sometimes I just stopped and cried.

As I ran more and more, I felt as though my mom was with me. That may sound strange to you, but honestly, I could care less what it sounds like. I talked to my mom while I ran, and I felt as though she talked back. Not in a weird, the trees are talking to me way, but in a way that worked. I ran, and I carried my mom on my shoulders. When it got hard, and it did, I felt like she was there, cheering me on. She was good at that in life, when I did good she was so proud. I think that's why I tried to achieve so much, I craved my mom's approval.

As I ran I shed the guilt. I knew my mom loved me, and she knew I did the best I could. Although I will always wish she could have had that last conversation with someone more deserving, I am glad that I was blessed to be there. I am glad I got to tell my mom I loved her one last time. I am glad, even though the pain of her loss still cuts my heart in two.

This may seem rambling to you. And it probably is. I wrote from the heart. I run from the heart. I have had friends say they get tired of seeing all my running posts on Facebook. I know that they just don't understand, since they don't know WHY I do it. Every time I run, I feel like I honor my mom. Every time I run, I get to be in her presence.  Every post is what I currently have to substitute for a phone call, a chat, a shared photo. I don't know how long I will feel the need to run. Some days, I do it just because the run itself feels good. Some days, not so much. Maybe in another month, year, who knows, I won't need the run to feel close to my mom. Until then I keep in mind what a wise woman who lost her husband recently told me. "In life as in running, keep your head up, your shoulders back, and your eyes on the road ahead. Breathe."

Summer time part deux

Sunday

Stovetop pocorn! Picked this up at a garage sale too for just $3. I love this time of year. I store up my great deals like a squirrel and then get them out a little at a time. Still have to pull out the full vintage mini china tea set I got. We'll have to have full tea on a Olivia day!

 Olivia loved turning the handle and "cooking" the popcorn

 Clara loved to taste it. She was our official taste tester, which is my sous chef's job until they can handle themselves in the kitchen :)

Don't be fooled, this face has nothing to do with the popcorn. Yes, this angry face has to do with the fact that she has, (oh no!) messy hands! She is truly Mike's kid.

Monday

I've been working on these busy bags for our trip, I mentioned them in the last post. My favorite are the magnetic fish. I might have to stop saying I'm not crafty. I think I may be a 1 on the craft-o meter now

Tuesday

Olivia helped me pack for our Tucson trip. Yes, that's her in the bag. That girl is full of smiles and surprises. I  love her more everyday, which is amazing, since I didn't know that was possible until I had kids.

Summer Time...

Can you finish that song? Anyone who sings,  "and the living is easy," obviously does not have young children. Just sayin'

Oh yes, I should say hi. Remember me? I'm that imperfect mom who loves to write about her life, her kids, and  whatever other thought is running through my head at the time. Yes, it's been a while. I've been busy, and then we drifted apart. I thought about you from time to time, but it seemed to awkward to call, so I just didn't. Now and then I see the blogger url and think about all the great times we had together ;)

I decided to make my triumphant return to the blogoshere this summer, and I'm challenging myself to take a photo every day. I don't need to blog about each photo, and I don't have to post the photo the day I take it, but I will have photographic evidence of our amazing (and not so amazing) summer. So here goes!

Our first day of summer vacation was spent having tons of fun. Okay, maybe TONS is a slight exaggeration, since after working out, we had to spend the day with the basement crack fixer guy. Yep, technical term, and exactly what it says on his name tag. We've had this crack since we moved it, but lately it decided to leak. Way to go crack! At least it was during the "off" season so we got someone out here pretty quickly. After the crack was fixed and we breathed in the toxic fumes for a few hours we headed out for Olivia's last day of swim lessons. Here's some photos of her jumping off the diving board.

Not so much on the form, but fearless. That's my girl!

Second day of vacation was a much needed mommy/Olivia day. These days herald back to when Olivia was 3 and going to preschool, and any non preschool day she titled, mommy/Olivia days. Since Clara's been born we haven't had one, but this summer Clara's going to preschool two days a week and I'm spending that time with her.

We spent the day doing things we love, garage sale shopping and the zoo. Here's a photo of Olivia before we headed out.

Friday dawned bright and warm, and another day with just the two of us. We hit some more garage sales, where I found the holy grail, Big Boggle. Well, Boggle Deluxe to be more accurate. Been looking for this game for years, and saw it sitting there all pretty in it's blue box marked $2. Played it cool and picked it up for $1. Woot-woot! Now to teach Olivia to play, since Mike doesn't really care for the way I gloat when I win, and I always win ;)

Olivia even picked up a few things from the garage sales. Here's a picture with her finds.

Saturday we woke up to Olivia not feeling well. We missed our last session of gymnastics and Olivia and Clara stayed with Mike while I hit the grocery store. Picked up materials for some crafts and a birthday cake for Mike. Yes, I know, I should have baked it, but leaving next week and I so do not have the time.

We celebrated Mike's birthday together and I worked on my felt fish craft. I'll post a photo with the blog for Sunday. Olivia rallied and ate some cake, and we had a quiet evening together.

Here we are in 2012! I don't actually believe in resolutions, but if I did they would go something like this:

1. Spend more quality time with my kids. 

It gets too easy to fall in to the same old routines when playing with the kids. We read A LOT of books. And although literacy is always good, I know there's more to life out there than "Pat the Puppy" Today I went on a "car ride" with Olivia. She made a steering wheel out of two rainbows she drew, cut out, and taped together. She assured me she could drive since she's 13. Gotta love that girl. She was also very generous with the bathroom breaks. I think we got 5 within 20 minutes. Then we pulled into lunch at daddy's cafe. Yep, fabulous. And I would have missed it all if I hadn't been open to something completely different.

Speaking of different, here's a few photos of the girls with their new "spaceship" Olivia colored, Clara scribbled, and a good time was had by all.

2. Meet new people

We all know the song "make new friends, and keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." And if you don't know it, you had a very deprived childhood, and you should have had a lot more singing in your home. One of the things that keeps me energized is meeting new people. I love love love it. Did I mention I love it? I'm really very shy, although no one would believe that, but I work really hard to put myself out there. And you know what? It totally pays off. I've met some awesome people in the past few years, and I hope to continue that trend in 2012.

3. Focus on saving money

I love a great deal. Here's a pic of the mound of bread I just got for $35. Yep, 20 loaves of high quality bread, plus buns & more. And you can do it too, no coupons required.

The thrill of a "big score" is fabulous, but I want to focus on how to save money in little ways. I need to get better about the day to day things. And it would help if Matilda Jane could release only ugly items in spring. Please?

4. Exercise

So cliche, I know. Even I hang my head in shame a little to add it here. But it really is about health. I don't feel the need to lose pounds, but I do want to put the pounds I have to better use. Being sick for the past, well, forever has shown me that the thing I miss most is moving my body. So here's to more of that.