I belong to a MOPS group, and we were asked to help throw a baby shower for a resident of Hannah's House. If you're not familiar with Hannah's House, it's a physical home where ladies can live while pregnant and up to two months after delivery. Many are escaping bad situations, abuse, homelessness, those types of issues. Each girl must complete chores, go to school or work, and participate in the household daily. It really is a special place.
We all arrived in our shiny cars and nice clothes. We sat down and talked with some of the residents before the shower. One mother, Ashley, had her first baby, a little girl. She talked chatted with us about all sorts of topics, including breastfeeding related issues. It was just like hanging out with a group of friends, she fit right in.
When the guest of honor Charmaine arrived, she was so excited about the party. She was exclaiming over everything, the food, the games, the cake, the gifts. She told us that she has 3 other children but this was her first ever shower. She introduced us to her boyfriend and her beautiful baby Arianna.
She talked about being in the NICU with Arrianna and wanting to cry with worry, but feeling guilty when looking at the other babies in the NICU who were so much sicker than her baby. She shared the joy of leaving the hospital and taking her baby home. It shouldn't have shocked me, but it did. Here was a mom whose situation was so different from mine, yet she shared the same fears and joys that I did as a mother. She obviously loved her baby, and she talked about the new baby and her other children almost every time she talked.
As she opened her gifts, her excitement grew. She kept saying her face hurt from smiling so much. Small things, like a package of socks, made her overjoyed. She shared that her baby had one pair of socks, one pair, and she was just talking about it with her friend the night before.
Someone included a necklace on their package. It was a simple necklace, a charm on a string, no diamond or gold. You would never have known that by Charmaine's reaction. She loved that necklace. She kept exclaiming over it, and telling us we needed to tell the ladies would had sent gifts but couldn't make it to the shower how thankful she was.
By the end of the shower she confided in us that she thought the shower wouldn't really happen. Although she was told we were coming, she just didn't believe that people who didn't know her and didn't have to come would want to throw a shower for her.
Going to the shower shattered any coldness that surrounded my heart. it's so easy to say, Why do people who can't afford it continue having children? Why do they keep them, instead of adopting them into a family that wants them? Why do they spend their money on cigarettes and goodness knows what, instead of putting that money towards their baby?
But these ladies aren't "them." When you meet them face to face, they are mothers, sisters, daughters, like you and me. They had different opportunities, many of them had many fewer opportunities. They made different choices. But who here has never made a wrong choice? I don't think we're better than these ladies, I think we are just different. We are the lucky ones. The ones life didn't chew up along the way. We are the ones who had parents to support us, a good brain that allowed us to get an education, or a husband who cares for us. Maybe all of the above plus.
So instead of being upset over their "bad" choices, I plan to do my best to support these fellow mothers in any way I can. I won't malign them with my words, my thoughts, or my actions. I will keep them in my prayers, and support the ministries that help to care for them with my time, creativity and dollars. And I will remember that I am needy too, in my own way, and that my God loves me in all with all my imperfections and problems.
